Mike brought his laptop to a meeting and seemed to be taking notes while we were discussing ideas. I figured I’d eavesdrop and glanced over to see what he was writing. It was a list of “50 Ways to Fire Evan.” This is what he had by the end of the meeting:

 

50 Ways to Fire Evan

  1. Have Ben do it
  2. Via Slack
  3. Elaborate prank where we pretend he ran over a dog but really, we’ve fired him
  4. He seems to like Harry Potter – have Harry Potter do it.
  5. Anyone Canadian should do it
  6. Inform everyone with facial hair to shave (except Evan). Then fire everyone that has facial hair
  7. Email a picture of Evan with an emoji arrow and an emoji gun. (you’re fired)
  8. No one wears sweaters.  Evan does.  Next time he wears one to the office tell him that and fire him
  9. Evan talks a lot.  Next time he starts talking just cut him off and say, “for the love of god, stop talking. You’re fired.”
  10. The group lunch heads out to Subway. He goes to Jimmy Johns, Have the manager at Jimmy John’s fire him.
  11. Force him to straighten his hair. First time he shows up to work without straight hair, he’s fired.
  12. Next time he can’t recall an Apple II game from his youth that he’s advocating in a brainstorm – He’s fired.
  13. Rename the company, change the locks, next time he shows up deny that Jackbox Games ever existed
  14. Create an animated gif of a baby otter with a sign that says You’re Fired.  Send that gif to Evan via slack.
  15. Evan’s looking at a new home. When the mortgage company calls to verify his employment – deny that he works at Jackbox Games.
  16. Post a “you’re fired” message on his very active Myspace page.